1. Thomas Peepers Insurance

Bill Hader: For that first kiss… When you’re getting out of the shower… When you’re unclogging that especially clogged drain. We’re Thomas Peepers Insurance, and we’re keeping an eye – on you!

2. Reel Quotes

Bill Hader: In the 1975 film ‘Jaws‘ upon seeing the shark for the first time Roy Scheider utters the unforgettable line: ”We’re gonna need a bigger…”
Charles Barkley: Shark!
Bill Hader: No. See, they saw the shark he was so big that they thought they ”We’re gonna need a bigger…”
Charles Barkley: Shark bag!
Bill Hader: Think water..
Charles Barkley: Ocean!
Bill Hader: ”We’re gonna need a bigger ocean”?
Charles Barkley: Yeah, if you get a bigger ocean it’s gonna make the shark seem smaller. Then the joke would be on the shark.

3. Sexy Shana

Making faces!

4. MacGruber

MacGruber [Will Forte]: Okay, Darell, respectfully, hand me that pen.
Darell [Charles Barkley]: Which pen?
Mac Gruber [Will Forte]: That one! Right there!
Darell [Charles Barkley]: I can’t tell which one you’re pointing at! Be more specific!
MacGruber [Will Forte]: That one! The, eh, african american pen!
Darell [Charles Barkley]: What?
MacGruber [Will Forte]: Sorry. The, eh, negro pen? Eh, negro american pen?
Darell [Charles Barkley]: You’re such a rasist!
MacGruber [Will Forte]: I am not a racist! Vicky, hand me that chinese pen! The, eh, that asian pen! The yellow pen!  - I’m a racist.

5. Inside The NBA

Danny Hoover [Andy Samberg]: That’ll move the chains!

6. Weekend Update

Seth Meyers: So what will you be doing with this new position?
Nicholas Cage [Andy Samberg]: I’m gonna steal the declaration of independence.
Seth Meyers: Oh no.
Nicholas Cage [Andy Samberg]: Quickly, Seth! Look under your desk. There should be an engraved panel of the masonic seal. Push this shard against the engraving to unlock the latch. The real declaration will be inside and that will lead us to the treasure!
Seth Meyers: Nick Cage! That movie’s like three years old!
Nicholas Cage [Andy Samberg]: I don’t have time to explain this to you! Do you trust me?!
Seth Meyers: Okay, stop! You need to calm down, Nicholas Cage! I’m taking your shard away.

7. Weekend Update

Seth Meyers: It was announced this week that Lady Gaga will be the new spokesperson for Polaroid. It’s a natural fit as just like a polaroid it takes a few minutes to figure out what you’re looking at.

8. SNL Digital Short – Booty Call

Lionel [Andy Samberg]: Hold up! Is this a freaking booty call?
Alicia Keys: Yeah. I guess it is…
Lionel [Andy Samberg]: That is so scandocious, but it fully works out ’cause I’m super horny.
Alicia Keys: Oh, word?
Lionel [Andy Samberg]: Heck yeah word! It’s like I’m ovulating – but the dude version.

9. Scared Straight

Bill Hader cracking up during a Scared Straight sketch once again!