This would be my favourite song from the Incredibad album, thank you very much.

The music washed away all the hate
And society started advancing
Every demographic was represented
It was a rainbow coalition of dancing
Whoa!
Everyone was wearing fingerless gloves
Whoaaaaaoaaaaaoh!
I saw a Spanish guy doing the Bartman

- The Lonely Island (feat. Julian Casablancas), Boombox
Saturday Night Live, S35E17

1. Cold Opening

Quincy Jones [Kenan Thompson]: Recently the music world came together to release We Are The World 2, a song to raise awareness of the Haiti earthquake disaster. Sadly, the song itself was a disaster. While the original We Are The World brought together stars like Michael Jackson, Bruce Springsteen and Tina Turner. This new version was a sloppy mess of half famous rando’s, like Busy Bone and Nipsey Hustle. It was bad. But we will heal, as we all is do through song. That’s why I have assembled another group of musicians for We Are The World 3 – raising awareness of the We Are The World 2 Disaster.

2. SNL Digital Short – Flags of the World

Scotch flag, Scotty flag, Hottie and the Nottie flag
Rasta flag, Pasta flag, Confused Fan of Lost-a-Flag

3. Undercover Celebrity Boss

Watch Steve Jobs empty a trash-can.

Steve Jobs [Fred Armisen]: This trash-can holds over 35 gallons of trash. Plays music, you can watch movies inside it – The iTrash!

4. Weekend Update

Seth Meyers: Gatorade this week officially dropped Tiger Woods as their spokesperson, after realizing that his thirst – would never be quenched

5. Car Horns and More

Tina Tina Shanhouse [Jenny Slate]: We got horns for everybody, come on!
Man [Fred Armisen]: What about me? I’m a scientist
Tina Tina Shanhouse: Here you go [presses horn] ”Bunsen burner. Bubbles. It’s alive! Wha?”

Are you SHITTIN’ me right now?!
I’ve been craving this for over a year!
Excuse me while I go flail - the fuck out – in private

1. An SNL Digital Short – James Cameron’s Laser Cats 5

2. Weekend Update

Seth Meyers: This week you didn’t need Cinemax to see someone get screwed on TV.

3. Weekend Update

Set Meyers: So how did NBC let it come to this? Well, I think I can explain it:
Let’s say you’re married, and it’s the numer one marriage in the country. But then you meet someone else who just sweeps you off your feet. So you say to her ”I wanna marry you – In five years”. And she says ”Yes. I will wait five years to marry you”.
So then you go home and you tell your current wife ”Honey, in five years – we’re getting a divorce”. Now, you might think your current wife will be super cool with that, and say ”Thank you for being honest”. But it turns out she’s actually super mad. And as the five years pass she gets in really good shape. So when the time comes for the divorce she’s looking better than ever. She looks so good that you see other people looking at her and you get jealous.
So you come up with an awesome plan: You’ll still marry the second person, but you’ll also stay married to the first. So you tell the new wife ”Good news, we’re totally married, but every night when I get home – I’m gonna spend a half an hour with my first wife first, but then I’m all yours”. And before you even see how she feels about it you hold a big press conference and tell people you’ve changed the future of marriage.
Now, if you think the new wife is cool with this plan – she’s not. She’s super mad. And the first wife is also acting wierd because, you know – You have two wives!
But then, just when you think you’re stuck, you come up with a perfect plan to solve all your problems – You kill your second wife. The question now is: Will NBC be okay? That all depends on one thing: Chuck. Lot of pressure on Chuck right now.
Also I feel bad for the writers of Law and Order. They’re gonna be responsible for ten hours of programming a day. They say their stories are ripped from the headlines, but a newspaper only has so many headlines to rip. The last episode I saw was about a broken air conditioner at a PTA meating. Next week two detectives are gonna try and solve a Sudoku.
Look, obviously I’m investin’ this because it affects me. If Jay can take his job back from Conan. That means Conan can take it back from Jimmy and that means jimmy might come here – and I cannot go back to being in a sketch once every three weeks!

4. Weekend Update

Seth Meyers: The Vatican newspaper called the film Avatar simplistic and criticised it for promoting the worship of nature as a substitut for religion. However all this accomplished was putting the image in my head – of the pope in 3D glasses.

5. Weekend Update

Larry the Goose [Andy Samberg]: Seth, if I may, I’d like to read the names of some of the geese who parished that day. These were geese of great dignity. [Clears throat]
Goose Springsteen
Feather Locklear
Ganderson Cooper
Geese Witherspoon
President Quackery Taylor
Honk Williams, Jr.
Indie rock duo The Wing Wings
And of course: Mother.

6. Weekend Update

Seth Meyers: A WeightWatchers group in Sweden was surprised when members showed up for their weigh-in in an office building and the floor collapsed. Which I assume was followed by a group shrug and a walk to the pastry shop.

7. Riley

Riley [Fred Armisen]: That’s right you BITCH!

P.S. Sigourney Weaver – Om 71,42% of the top moments är från Weekend Update betyder det att jag inte gillar dig. Du skulle kanske ha funderat klart innan du inledde programmet med att skryta om din pappa.

P.P.S. Den som tog sig tid att faktiskt läsa allt som står på punkt tre ska få en present av mig. En riktig present. På riktigt.

1. Thomas Peepers Insurance

Bill Hader: For that first kiss… When you’re getting out of the shower… When you’re unclogging that especially clogged drain. We’re Thomas Peepers Insurance, and we’re keeping an eye – on you!

2. Reel Quotes

Bill Hader: In the 1975 film ‘Jaws‘ upon seeing the shark for the first time Roy Scheider utters the unforgettable line: ”We’re gonna need a bigger…”
Charles Barkley: Shark!
Bill Hader: No. See, they saw the shark he was so big that they thought they ”We’re gonna need a bigger…”
Charles Barkley: Shark bag!
Bill Hader: Think water..
Charles Barkley: Ocean!
Bill Hader: ”We’re gonna need a bigger ocean”?
Charles Barkley: Yeah, if you get a bigger ocean it’s gonna make the shark seem smaller. Then the joke would be on the shark.

3. Sexy Shana

Making faces!

4. MacGruber

MacGruber [Will Forte]: Okay, Darell, respectfully, hand me that pen.
Darell [Charles Barkley]: Which pen?
Mac Gruber [Will Forte]: That one! Right there!
Darell [Charles Barkley]: I can’t tell which one you’re pointing at! Be more specific!
MacGruber [Will Forte]: That one! The, eh, african american pen!
Darell [Charles Barkley]: What?
MacGruber [Will Forte]: Sorry. The, eh, negro pen? Eh, negro american pen?
Darell [Charles Barkley]: You’re such a rasist!
MacGruber [Will Forte]: I am not a racist! Vicky, hand me that chinese pen! The, eh, that asian pen! The yellow pen!  - I’m a racist.

5. Inside The NBA

Danny Hoover [Andy Samberg]: That’ll move the chains!

6. Weekend Update

Seth Meyers: So what will you be doing with this new position?
Nicholas Cage [Andy Samberg]: I’m gonna steal the declaration of independence.
Seth Meyers: Oh no.
Nicholas Cage [Andy Samberg]: Quickly, Seth! Look under your desk. There should be an engraved panel of the masonic seal. Push this shard against the engraving to unlock the latch. The real declaration will be inside and that will lead us to the treasure!
Seth Meyers: Nick Cage! That movie’s like three years old!
Nicholas Cage [Andy Samberg]: I don’t have time to explain this to you! Do you trust me?!
Seth Meyers: Okay, stop! You need to calm down, Nicholas Cage! I’m taking your shard away.

7. Weekend Update

Seth Meyers: It was announced this week that Lady Gaga will be the new spokesperson for Polaroid. It’s a natural fit as just like a polaroid it takes a few minutes to figure out what you’re looking at.

8. SNL Digital Short – Booty Call

Lionel [Andy Samberg]: Hold up! Is this a freaking booty call?
Alicia Keys: Yeah. I guess it is…
Lionel [Andy Samberg]: That is so scandocious, but it fully works out ’cause I’m super horny.
Alicia Keys: Oh, word?
Lionel [Andy Samberg]: Heck yeah word! It’s like I’m ovulating – but the dude version.

9. Scared Straight

Bill Hader cracking up during a Scared Straight sketch once again!

12/12 Taylor Lautner

1. Can’t Keep A Secret Sue

Aunt Sue [Kristen Wiig]: My hips. My hips have glitched. God, I got cramps in my butt. Anyone else? I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just so. So FREAKING EXCITED!

2. The North East Middle School Sparkle Players Show Choir

Principal [Will Forte]: Okay, Trevor! Get up here right now! Get up here!
Trevor [Andy Samberg]: [Runs up on stage]
Principal [Will Forte]: Now I want you to repeat what you just said straight to Hanukkah Elivs’s face!
Hanukkah Elvis [Nasim Pedrad]: No, actually, that’s okay..
Principal [Will Forte]: No, it’s not okay! [Pointing at Trevor] Say what you just said.
Trevor [Andy Samberg]: [Clears throat] THIS IS GAY!

3. Weekend Update

Seth Meyers: This week after a performance in England Lady Gaga met with the Queen of England.
”Well, this is weird” thought both of them.

4. Team Jacob vs. Team Edward

Ellie [Jenny Slate]: There was a time in my life when I too loved Edward Cullen. When Jacob was merely a blip on my radar screen. But then something changed, maybe I changed, but more likely Jacob changed. When he took off his shirt in New Moon I saw those changes and I was like ”Yeah! I wanna bake cookies on your stomach!”
Marianna [Taylor Lautner]: No, those are fake abs!
Ellie [Jenny Slate]: These are not fake abs!
Marianna [Taylor Lautner]: They are too fake! They’re CGI-ed just like the wolves!
Ellie [Jenny Slate]: These are real! His abs are real!
Marianna [Taylor Lautner]: If those abs are real then the dude who played Jacob deserves an Oscar!

5. A Final Message From The PGA Tour

Jason Sudeikis: I wanna thank our new sponsors: The Erie Pennsylvania Chamber of Commerce, The letter ‘Q’ and Seltzer.

5/12 Blake Lively

1. Opening Monologue

Swedish Chef [Andy Samberg]: Shmorgy bork. Shmorgy bork boork. Shmorgy bork.
Blake Lively: You got me snow!

2. An SNL Digital Short

Move the mic away from your face
C’mon, this beat cost a lot of money
Oh, no. Oh, no
He pissed himself
He pissed himself!
AHA!

3. Weekend Update

Rizzle Dizzle Dazzle
Scratch Scratch Scratch
Flabble Dabble Dibble
WOO-AHH-OOH-WEE

4. Weekend Update

Seth Meyers: A new study has found that the linemen on college football teams are often obese.
The study was conducted by the University of My Eyeballs.

5. UPS II

Bill Hader: In fact, we’ll make one thousand of them, which makes me King of the Ads. And you my subjects. And there’s only one rule in this kingdom: Everyone wears a lady wig.
Looks like this king’s got three hot ladies. I’m gonna have sex with them.

1. SNL Digital Short – Two Worlds Collide

That’s because a girl like Reba’s got just what I need
With big broad shoulders and a red-ass weave
(And a penis)
Hot damn, she fly
All she wanna do is bump me
I’m a lucky guy
(I’m a guy too)
My friends think I should dump her
They say she’s a man who found a wig in a dumpster
(Your friends are smart)
Nah, Rebes, they’re just jealous
‘Cuz I’m dating a star instead of hanging with the fellas
(Hanging like my nuts)

> DOWNLOAD SONG HERE <

2. The Mellow Show With Jack Johnson

Jack Johnson [Andy Samberg]: Wow, that is some smooth scatting
Jazon Mraz [Joseph Gordon-Levitt]: Yeah. Scatting is good when you’re too mellow to actually write lyrics.
Dave Matthews [Bill Hader]: Oh yeah. Foot-five to that!

3. What’s Up With That?

Klaus Future [Joseph Gordon-Levitt]:
In the future
Dogs will be cats, yeah
And in the future
Shoes will be hats, yeah
And in the future
Wrong will be right
And in the future
You will party all niiiight

4. Weekend Update

Al Gore: In stead of just writing a letter to a congress man. I’m gonna fill up a trash can with ice water and prop it up against his office door so that when he opens it, cold water splashes all over him. Then he’ll find the note I left on his desk that says ”We’re melting. Love, the glaciers”

5. Say Anything

Man [Jason Sudeikis]: Oh man, this kid loves casettes, huh?

1. Michelle Dison – ”Around The Town”

Sarah Reynolds [January Jones]: Anyway, he came up to me, pulled out a gun and pushed it into my face!
Michelle Dison [Kristen Wiig]: Not your pretty face!? … I like it! … Your face… Face it! … Let’s face it together! … Let’s face eachother in the dark..!

2. Darrell Hammond!

‘Nuff said!

3. Jon Bovi

1, 1, 2
Who let the cat’s in?
Who? Who? Who? Who?
Is there an owl in here?
Who? Who? Who? Who?
Seriously, did anyone hear that?
Who? Who? Who? Who?
There it is again!
Who? Who? Who? Who?

4. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Dr. Jekyll [Bill Hader]: Yes, I’m attracted to women – like my wife. It’s Mr. Hyde who does stuff with guys.

5. SNL Digital Short – ”I’m In Here!”

Too awesome for words!

1. Taylor Swift’s Monologue Song (La la la)

“You might be expecting me to say
something bad about Kanye
and how he ran up on the stage
and ruined my VMA monologue
But there’s nothing more to say
cuz everything’s okay
I’ve got security lining the stage
It’s my SNL monologue.”

2. SNL Digital Short: Firelight

Stella [Taylor Swift]: Why won’t you kiss me?
Phillip [Bill Hader]: Because when I kiss people… I tend to accidentally choke them to death.
Stella: I want you to try.

Phillip: [With his hands around Stella's neck] You are my life now.
Stella: You’re choking me.
Phillip: Sorry… It was an accident.

3. T.R.A.A.A.P.D – Teens Raising Awareness About Awful Parent Drivers

Kristen Wiig: [Singing along to Lady Gaga's: Love Game] Let’s build a love gate. See a love frame. Do you hear doves? Is it a pain? Am I in the way…

4. Weekend Update

Seth Meyers: A woman from England revealed this week on the Tyra Banks Show that she has two vaginas, two uteruses and two menstrual cycles. So stay away from her when she has PPMMSS

5. Scared Straight

Bill Hader, Andy Samberg & Bobby Moynihan cracked!

And Iran, Iran so far away
come home, and in my arms you’ll stay

Used to look at the stars and dream
round the world same stars were seen
And a twinkle in your eyes Mahmoud
Talk smooth to me, without a tie
your pants high waisted, damn so fly
We can take a trip to the animal zoo
and laugh at all the funny things that animals do
Like Eugene you got me straight trippin’ boo
hope you look in my eyes and say I’m trippin’ too
you say Iran don’t have the bomb but they already do
you should know by know, it’s you

And Iran, Iran so far away
is your home, but in my heart you’ll stay

- The Lonely Island, Iran So Far