Host: Tina Fey
Musical Guest: Justin Bieber

1. Brownie Husband

”Brownie Husband. We now pronunce you – full!”

2. The Sarah Palin Network

Sarah Palin [Tina Fey]: And if you’re for arts programming there’s ‘Painting for Patriots with Ned Redstone’.
Ned Redstone [Bobby Moynihan]: And if you wanna make your cloud a socialist cloud – all you have to do is give him a little Hitler mustache.

3. Lonely Teacher

Teacher [Tina Fey]: [Thinking] What I’m feeling is wrong. Morally, ethically and biologically wrong. But, I mean – look at him! He’s like a dreamy christmas elf! I should not have poured wine in my cereal this morning! I don’t know wheater I wanna marry him or put him in a stroller and push him around the mall… Or can it be both?

Jason [Justin Bieber]:

Put me in a outfit from the GAP like that
One that matches with the jacket and the cap like that
Then slap me in the stroller with the bounce like that
With the bottle full of milk that’s 40 ounce like that
I’m your b-baby lady
[Tina: I wanna push you in the buggy]
I’m your b-baby lady
I wanna hold you like a snuggie
You’re my baby, lady
[Tina: And I'm your lady, baby]
It’s time to roll,
Let’s go to the park

4. Weekend Update

Seth Meyers: Apple said monday that its sold more than 300 thousand iPads on the first day of its launch. Ushering in a new era of people buying things in order to find out what they are.

5. Weekend Update

Aunt Linda [Kristen Wiig]: I give the Tooth Fairy a positive review: One ‘Finally!‘ and three ‘Oh Yeauhhh’s‘. And I am happy to give Avatar a big fat ‘You Gotta Be Tk-Tk-Tk Kidding Me‘

6. Weekend Update

Tina Fey: Bombshell McGee, I know you’re into like nazi stuff and white surpremacy. But if Hitler were alive today even he would be like: ”Armer Sandra Bullock, sie sind so liebenswert!” [Poor Sandra Bullock is so likeable]