Daniel Tosh: You look beautiful!
Caitlin Upton: Thank you!
Daniel Tosh: No, no, no. I say that to myself every day.

Daniel Tosh: I miss the good old days when rappers would act like men and just shoot somebody. Now it’s like a semi colon wink, bang bang.

Daniel Tosh: You wanna hold that in for about 20 seconds, or until your eyes starts to… vibrate.

Daniel Tosh: The internet is full of challenges and I was told they’re all impossible. Impossible? That’s not a word I’m familiar with.
I’m about to do the cinnamon-challenge… And the saltine cracker-challenge. All in under one minute, while on salvia. And if there’s time: I’m also gonna karate-chop 100 coconuts.

Daniel: So you’re telling me that you filmed it under your curtains?
Chris: Alot of people think…
Daniel: Wait! Then what the hell am I doing with this fucking sheet?

Afro Ninja: Yeah, these are basically the stuntman’s version of an Oscar.
Daniel Tosh: You got three Oscar’s in 2002. Top that Julia Roberts, ya’ horse-face.

Daniel Tosh: You know what’s disturbing about this photo? Nothing!